We’re always in “the search” aren’t we? Recently I realized I’ve been living in a “search” constantly, 24/7 for about the last two years…
We all fall victim to the barrage of YouTube motivational videos, and it is true that there are two kinds of attitudes towards life: You either sit back and conform to what you have at your disposal or you go and actively search for more. Of course the latter one is supposed to be the best option… right??
Well, yes. On paper. But lately I realized something: Life is not just about the search. It’s also about BALANCE. The search is great. It makes us grow, change for the better, accomplish goals… The thing is, if every single day is about “the search” for something “better” that instantly means that we deem every single aspect of our current life as “worse” or “bad”.
Let me give you the exact example that led me to write this:
Me and my couple are looking for a new apartment. The place we live in now is just not right for us. We tried. For about a year and a half we tried. The building just doesn’t want us in here. You’ve probably been through this yourself at some point. It’s an “energy” thing (yes, I do believe in that stuff).
The previous apartment we used to live in was quite small, but we lived more than 4 years in it and absolutely LOVED it. Although some practical things might contribute, it is ultimately and intangible thing. At some point we thought It’d be a good idea to “scale-up”. Space was our main focus. Since the pandemic we were both working at home and had recently adopted two small dogs, which made more square footage essential… or so we thought…
In the search for a new place we became so fixated in the size of the rooms that we neglected a few (seemingly less important) things, such as natural lighting, floor number (which impacts the distance from street noise) and facilities of the building. We payed the price (both metaphorically and literally). Now we are basically searching for an apartment that has both the space AND the things we sacrificed to get this one. It’s a longer, more difficult search, but we’re not in a hurry.
Ok, I digress (I do that a lot FYI). The point is this: This new search began about a year ago (we shifted courses along the way too, which is normal) and during that year I just couldn’t stand living in this apartment (our lousy loud neighbors didn’t help either). I was engulfed in “the search”. It got so bad that I woke up every day subconsciously looking for things about this apartment to be annoyed by. Without realizing it, I even stopped myself from enjoying even a single second living here. It felt “wrong” to enjoy any moment. “I hate this place, I can’t be in a good mood here. Not once.”
Over the last few months I came to peace with this place. Not because I intend to stay, but precisely because I intend to leave. There’s no use in hating it. I know its flaws, which is why I’m searching for something else. It’ll come soon enough. Hating this place is not gonna make the new one come up faster. It doesn’t help. At all. It just makes everyday way more painful that it needs to be.
The problem is there is an underlying pressure we put on ourselves during “the search” for a new home, a new relationship, a new job, a new passion, a new whatever. A pressure that is OK in the right amounts, because it prevents us from getting lazy and procrastinate. But it can also keep us from being grateful for what we DO have and makes everyday an unnecessary pain. The key here is the BALANCE.
So relax (which doesn’t mean slack off), breathe. Enjoy where you are now. I’m pretty sure there’s at least a few things you have right now that make you happy, so focus on those. Keep the balance. It’ll come.
